Wow! What a play! One that packs into its sixty-minute running time much more than most plays do in a couple of hours or more. It is not only extremely funny, but also quite shocking, very physical, occasionally violent, and with far more than a smattering of exceedingly strong language! It is also very perceptive about human nature; one would never think it was the playwright David Ireland’s first staged piece of theatre.
He tells us in an amazingly self-effacing and humorous introduction in the excellent programme (though do not read it until you have seen the play) that in 2008 he was a struggling actor in Glasgow unable to get work. Each day, after his stint at the Norwich Union as a data entry clerk, he would go home and write until the early hours: his first draft of What The Animals Say was about 500 pages and six hours long! About this time the movie “Five Minutes of Heaven” was being filmed in the city and Ireland dreamed of how he could insinuate himself into the cast. This gave him new ideas for his debut play, and very quickly the original draft was reshaped, drastically pruned, and soon performed at Glasgow’s Oran Mor in their afternoon programme called “A Play A Pie and A Pint”. He was worried that it would offend a matinee audience but was soon placated when a Roman Catholic priest walked in and, rather than be offended, laughed more loudly than anyone else.
The story is mildly autobiographical and begins at Stranraer ferry terminal where Jimmy, a professional actor up for an audition, comes across Eddie, a professional footballer, whom he knew at school.
Jimmy looks as if he has bought his clothes from Oxfam, and in the hands of Matthew Blaney is a very believable person, weak, anaemic, unhealthy, desperate: the last person one would cast in a movie of any sort! Blaney has a superbly mobile face and a way of convincing us that the superbly written dialogue is completely natural. The less he does, the more amusing he is! A lovely portrayal.
Eddie is the opposite: Robbie Martin plays him as a not very intelligent, successful, professional footballer: the best player in the Northern Ireland team and a friend of the Beckhams. He is loud, very loud, and his vocabulary contains many four-letter words which he uses frequently. He almost barks his utterances, demonstrating his lack of intelligence in all but kicking a ball around. Somehow, Martin and Ireland contrive to make him the more sympathetic character, especially in the second act, in which he is well out of his comfort zone! To say any more would spoil your enjoyment, should you decide to see this play, which I very much hope you will do!
I am not sure whether Ireland’s play is supposed to have a message! If it doesn’t, thank you very much, David: how wonderful to come across a play of this calibre which is just designed to entertain, which it certainly does. It is the sort of play which appears deceptively simple on the surface, but which, as one thinks about it in the train on the way home, will affect different people in different ways! The strongest elements of this piece of stagecraft are that both characters are beautifully drawn, Ireland knowing instinctively how to write natural dialogue, and how to structure and pace a play so that it speeds along, only occasionally pausing for reflection. If only all first plays were this enjoyable, and this well written!
The production is greatly aided by Harry Burton’s direction, which appears detailed but with a light touch, emphasising the physicality as well as the humour, and occasionally pathos, of the piece. Alex Marker, celebrating his 25th anniversary as resident designer at Finborough Theatre, has produced two excellent sets which use the space imaginatively, and Jodi Rabinowitz’s lighting creates the right atmosphere for the play. Alison de Burgh’s fights are very believable, Eleanor Landgrebe’s costumes aid characterisation, and Joe Dines demonstrates what a perfect soundscape should be like: subtle, aiding the effect the play has on the audience, and never obtrusive.
I enjoyed What The Animals Say hugely; as I said at first, it packs so much into its sixty minutes. The sort of play one wants to see again to discover what one missed the first time around! Superb acting, design and direction, plus really fine writing make for a drama that is much more than the sum of its parts. I can see What The Animals Say being in my Top Ten for 2026! Very highly recommended!
Review by John Groves
Two ex-classmates wait for the Stranraer ferry back to Belfast…
Jimmy is a struggling actor chasing the break that never comes.
Eddie is a celebrity footballer who, despite being Protestant, is the captain of Celtic.
At first, they reconnect over football, Father Ted and the staunch Unionist culture they grew up in, but what begins as banter spirals into confrontation as buried resentments, betrayal and violence rise to the surface…
Cast – Matthew Blaney and Robbie Martin
Written by David Ireland
Directed by Harry Burton
Designed by Alex Marker
Sound Design by Joe Dines
Costume Design by Ellie Landrebe
Hair and Makeup Design by Sophia KNight
Lighting Design by Jodi Rabinowitz
WHAT THE ANIMALS SAY
Finborough Theatre
29 September to 24 October 2026
