The use of video technology in this show might have been enough to trigger any passionate football fans in the audience whose hatred of the video assistant referee (VAR) surpasses even that of sitting in traffic or being on eternal hold to a big corporation that doesn’t understand how averages work, because they always have ‘higher than average’ call volumes. Just as well, then, that the fictional Crubchester United Football Club doesn’t utilise VAR, being a non-league club.
If you’re still reading, I assume you either think positively about football or are at least indifferent. Or perhaps I am being too presumptuous. Either way, there is much observational comedy material here to consider, whether it’s in the form of longstanding supporters of Crubchester United who still retain memories of crucial matches decades later, or the various key players (pun intended) at the club. Ted Milligan voices miscellaneous characters, giving each one a distinct persona. Rightly or wrongly, some embrace the stereotype of the role they inhabit, such as the fastidious season ticket holder who is also a pub quiz master and, apparently, an advocate for more local public conveniences in the community. Then there’s the tough-talking manager who is only a legend in his own mind, despite what some might consider to be ‘success’, and the pleasant but not all that articulate star striker who is nonetheless called upon to give public addresses anyway.
It’s a curious choice for a ‘mockumentary’, but on reflection, it covers a lot of ground in an hour – even if, as a fellow theatregoer pointed out, maybe it ought to have been a two-act show, each one forty-five minutes with a couple more minutes added on. No prior knowledge of the beautiful game is assumed, and yet those who have supported a club for as long as they can remember aren’t left feeling like the show is all a bit basic and rudimentary. The surprisingly broad appeal is achieved by Milligan bringing in plenty of external topical references about the community at large – one about a visit to the football club by a local school for an end of year prizegiving event had me in stitches.
A briskly paced show, it gets quite physical, which suits the sporty backdrop. I will stop short of saying it was exhausting to watch, because it genuinely wasn’t. United isn’t going to convert anyone who doesn’t already appreciate football. Still, it’s a confident and engaging performance, with an ending that most football fans will recognise all too well.
Review by Chris Omaweng
The town of Crubchester has fallen on hard times and Crubchester United FC finds itself outside the league. Having been purchased by a six-year-old billionaire who brings in a no-nonsense manager, can they return to their former glory in the 92?
Inspired by Sunderland ‘Til I Die and Ted Milligan’s own journeys around the country supporting Plymouth Argyle, United is a unique narrative comedy hour packed with whip-smart writing and nuanced performances of sharply observed characters. The show explores the importance of football in small communities and reflects the true feelings of the ultimately pointless endeavour of passionately supporting a football club.
TED MILLIGAN: UNITED
Pleasance Courtyard at the Edinburgh Fringe
30 July to 24 August 2025
